The Armor of God: Fighting the Real Enemy in Your Marriage, Not Each Other
[Disclaimer: This blogpost is intended for those who frequently find themselves trapped in unproductive, unhealthy relationship patterns and are eager to break the cycle. Before proceeding, I want to clarify that I did not write this with the intent to address or reference any form of *abusive behavior.]
Marriage is one of the most profound relationships we experience, but it can also be one of the most challenging. It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing your spouse as the enemy, especially when conflicts arise or when you feel misunderstood or unappreciated. However, it’s important to remember that our struggle is "not against flesh and blood" (Ephesians 6:12). The real enemy isn’t your spouse, but the spiritual forces that seek to create division and strife in your relationship:
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people (Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV).
The Apostle Paul, in this letter to the Ephesians, warns us about these spiritual forces and urges us to put on the "full armor of God" to stand firm against their schemes. This armor is not just a metaphor; it’s a practical guide for protecting and strengthening your marriage against the attacks that can tear it apart.
Understanding Spiritual Warfare in Marriage
Before diving into the specifics of the armor, it’s important to recognize how spiritual warfare often manifests in marriage:
Seeing Your Spouse as the Enemy:
In moments of conflict, it’s easy to view your spouse as the source of your frustration or pain. Whether it’s a disagreement about finances, parenting, or unmet expectations, these conflicts can make it feel like you’re on opposite sides. But remember, the real enemy is not your spouse; the struggle is against spiritual forces that seek to create division and misunderstanding between you.
Struggling with Insecurity and Pride:
Feelings of inadequacy or fear of rejection can create barriers in communication and intimacy. The enemy often attacks our sense of self-worth, making us more susceptible to mistrust, resentment, and withdrawal in our marriage. Insecurity might lead to hypervigilance, where one spouse becomes overly sensitive and constantly on guard, perceiving innocent comments or actions as personal attacks. On the other hand, pride can prevent us from admitting when we’re wrong or from showing vulnerability, leading to defensiveness and a lack of genuine connection. Both insecurity and pride are tools the enemy uses to create division and prevent couples from experiencing the deep intimacy that God intends for marriage.
Letting Outside Stressors Impact Your Relationship:
Work stress, financial pressures, and other external challenges can easily spill over into your marriage, leading to increased tension and conflict. The enemy can use these stressors to create cracks in your relationship, turning minor disagreements into major battles. Even Jesus was tempted by the enemy when He was hungry and tired (Matthew 4:1-11, Luke 4:1-13), showing that in times of physical and emotional strain, we are more susceptible to attacks. Just as Jesus faced temptation during these challenging moments, we too can find ourselves more vulnerable to conflict and division when we’re under stress or feeling overwhelmed.
Equipping Your Marriage with the Armor of God
The spiritual armor described in Ephesians 6 provides practical ways to protect and strengthen your marriage:
The Belt of Truth:
Purpose: The belt is essential for holding the rest of the armor in place. In the same way, truth is foundational to the Christian life. Knowing God's truth is crucial for living a life of integrity and for standing firm against the lies and deceptions of the enemy.
Application: Ground your marriage in God’s truth. When conflicts arise, remind yourselves of the truth about your love, commitment, and the covenant you’ve made with each other. Knowing and standing firm in God’s truth helps you see each other as teammates, not adversaries.
The Breastplate of Righteousness:
Purpose: The breastplate protects the heart and vital organs. Spiritually, it symbolizes the righteousness that comes from God, which guards our hearts from the enemy’s attacks, such as resentment and condemnation.
Application: Protect your heart and your marriage by living with integrity and pursuing righteousness together. When tempted to hold onto grudges or act out of selfishness, choose to honor God and each other by making decisions that reflect His righteousness.
The Shoes of the Gospel of Peace:
Purpose: Shoes enable a soldier to move quickly and confidently across rough terrain. Spiritually, these shoes represent the readiness and stability that comes from the gospel of peace.
Application: Let the peace of Christ guide your interactions. Approach conflicts with a spirit of reconciliation and peace, seeking to understand rather than to win. This peace will help you navigate even the most challenging discussions without allowing them to escalate into full-blown battles.
The Shield of Faith:
Purpose: The shield is used to block and extinguish the fiery arrows of the enemy. Faith, in this context, is trust in God's promises and character, which protects us from the enemy’s lies and attacks.
Application: Hold up the shield of faith together. Trust in God’s promises for your marriage, even when things are difficult. Faith will help you resist the doubts and fears that can erode your relationship, keeping you united in your trust in God’s plan for your marriage.
The Helmet of Salvation:
Purpose: The helmet protects the head, crucial for both survival and clear thinking. Spiritually, it symbolizes the assurance of salvation, which shields our minds from doubts and the enemy’s efforts to undermine our confidence in God.
Application: Protect your mind and your marriage by focusing on the salvation you have in Christ. When the enemy tries to sow seeds of doubt or discouragement, remind each other of the security and hope you have in Jesus. This perspective can shift your focus from temporary challenges to eternal truths.
The Sword of the Spirit:
Purpose: The sword is the only offensive weapon in the armor, representing the Word of God. It is used to counter the enemy's attacks by speaking and applying Scripture to our lives.
Application: Use Scripture as your guide and counterattack the enemy’s lies. When faced with temptation, anger, or frustration, turn to God’s Word for wisdom and strength. Together, you can use Scripture to navigate challenges and to remind each other of the principles that should govern your relationship.
Praying at All Times in the Spirit:
Purpose: Prayer is the means by which we engage with God and access His power. It is the communication line that keeps us connected to God and aligned with His will.
Application: Make prayer a cornerstone of your marriage. Pray together regularly, asking for God’s guidance, strength, and protection over your relationship. Prayer is a powerful tool that keeps you connected to each other and to God, allowing His Spirit to lead and sustain your marriage.
In marriage, it’s easy to get caught up in the battles and forget who the real enemy is. The conflicts you face are part of a larger spiritual battle that requires you to be equipped with God’s armor. By embracing these spiritual tools, you can protect and strengthen your marriage, ensuring that you stand united against the forces that seek to divide you.
To deepen your understanding of spiritual warfare and how it affects your marriage, make time to regularly read and study the Bible together. God's Word will equip you with the wisdom and strength needed to navigate the challenges you face. Additionally, I highly recommend Priscilla Shirer’s Bible study, The Armor of God. This resource will not only provide practical steps to strengthen your marriage through faith, truth, and prayer but also help you stand firm against the spiritual forces that seek to disrupt your relationship.
If you are experiencing obstacles in your relationship, talking to a clinically trained counselor may help. Sandra Lee Christian Counseling would love to help you process your challenges individually or as a couple. We are here to help and walk through this journey together.
*If you have any concerns about abuse, please don’t hesitate to seek help. Visit https://www.thehotline.org for free, confidential, and 24/7 access to resources and support.