The Art of Communication: Honoring the Body of Christ

Communication is one of the most powerful tools we possess. It can build bridges or tear them down, foster understanding or create division. In today’s world, communication often feels like a battle to be won. We see it in political debates, social media arguments, and even personal relationships, each person striving to prove their point, to be heard, to win. But what if communication wasn’t about winning? What if, instead of trying to assert dominance, we sought to untangle misunderstandings and truly listen to one another?

Why Communication is Essential in Christian Counseling

In my counseling practice, I emphasize communication heavily because it is foundational to both deep healing and relational restoration. Many individuals and couples seek counseling because they feel unheard, misunderstood, or unable to express their needs effectively. Communication breakdowns can lead to anxiety, resentment, and isolation, whereas healthy communication fosters connection, trust, and emotional security.

From the beginning, God has demonstrated the significance of communication. Genesis 1 shows that God spoke creation into existence, underscoring the power of words to shape reality. John 1:1 tells us, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." Jesus, as the living Word, embodies the very essence of truth and revelation. Hebrews 1:1-2 and John 14:26 remind us that God has always communicated with humanity, first through the prophets in the Old Testament, then through Jesus to His disciples, and now through the Holy Spirit and Scripture. If God chose to reveal Himself through His Word, then how we use our words becomes deeply important. Our ability to communicate reflects not only our relationships with others but also our relationship with God.

Communication as a Reflection of the Body of Christ

This blog post was inspired by listening to a podcast by Jefferson Fisher, a trial lawyer, and the Bible study Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby and Claude King. Fisher describes communication not as a means to dominate a conversation but as a way to engage with curiosity, to learn about the other person rather than simply refuting them. This perspective aligns beautifully with 1 Corinthians 12, where Paul reminds us that we are all part of one body, each with different gifts and perspectives. If we are to function as the body of Christ, our goal in communication must shift from conquering to connecting, from arguing to honoring.

Jesus is the perfect model of this balance. He engaged in conversation with others in ways that invited understanding rather than creating barriers. His dialogue with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4) is a striking example. Instead of condemning her past or arguing theology, Jesus met her where she was, asked thoughtful questions, and spoke truth with grace. His approach didn’t dismiss sin, but it also didn’t use truth as a weapon. Instead, His words led to conviction, healing, and transformation.

Dr. Gary Chapman, in his Focus on the Family podcast, points out how we tend to focus on what is wrong rather than on what is right. He uses the analogy of counterfeit money. Rather than studying counterfeits, experts focus on the real thing so they can recognize falsehoods when they arise. Likewise, in communication, if we fixate on what is wrong with the other person’s argument, we miss the opportunity to recognize what is good and true in the conversation. This concept aligns with Philippians 4:8, which calls us to dwell on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable. When we stop discrediting each other and instead focus on what is good, we foster healthier, more Christ-centered dialogue.

The Role of Communication in Healing

One of the greatest barriers to healing in relationships and personal growth is the inability to communicate emotions, needs, and struggles effectively. In my counseling sessions, I often see how unspoken wounds and unresolved conflicts create walls between individuals. Many people hesitate to communicate out of fear—fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood, or fear of conflict. However, suppressing emotions does not make them disappear; rather, it often leads to resentment and further emotional distress.

On the other hand, some individuals impose their thoughts and feelings on others, almost demanding to be understood while failing to extend the same courtesy. This approach can be just as damaging as it dismisses the other person's perspective and creates an environment of pressure rather than mutual understanding. Healthy communication requires balance, both the courage to express oneself honestly and the humility to listen without forcing agreement.

Proverbs 18:2 warns, "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." This verse reflects the communication breakdown we see so frequently today, not just in heated debates or online arguments, but in our everyday conversations with loved ones, friends, and colleagues. How often do we find ourselves waiting for our turn to speak rather than truly listening? How many times do we rush to defend our stance instead of seeking to understand the heart behind someone else’s words? We are all guilty of this at times, allowing pride or impatience to take precedence over connection.

In contrast, James 1:19 gives us a biblical model for healthy communication: "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." This passage reminds us that true wisdom is found in pausing, listening, and approaching conversations with humility rather than self-interest.

The Science of Effective Communication

Evidence-based studies on communication support this biblical model. Research in psychology and conflict resolution highlights that people are more likely to engage in meaningful dialogue when they feel heard and respected.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on relationships, emphasizes that healthy communication is not about attacking or defending but about understanding. His studies show that couples who practice active listening, where one person listens to understand rather than to respond, experience stronger, more lasting relationships. This aligns with Proverbs 15:1, which states, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Similarly, in professional and social settings, negotiation expert William Ury advocates for what he calls the “third side” approach, where instead of seeing only our perspective or theirs, we step back and look at the bigger picture. This aligns with Philippians 2:4, which instructs us to, "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Practical Ways to Communicate with Honor

If we desire to communicate in a way that reflects the unity of the body of Christ, we must cultivate habits that honor others in conversation. Here are some key principles to practice:

• Seek First to Understand – Before responding, ask clarifying questions. “Help me understand your perspective” opens the door to dialogue rather than debate.

• Listen with Curiosity, Not Judgment – Approach conversations with a genuine interest in the other person’s experiences and views.

• Detach from the Need to Win – Instead of aiming to “win” an argument, focus on building a relationship.

• Focus on What Is Good – Like recognizing real currency instead of obsessing over counterfeits, seek out the truth and value in what the other person is saying rather than fixating on their flaws.

• Use Words that Build Up – "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29).

• Recognize When to Let Go – Not every disagreement needs a resolution. Sometimes, honoring someone means allowing differences to remain while maintaining love and respect.

Communicating with Christlike Love

As members of the body of Christ, our words should reflect our commitment to love, humility, and unity. Communication is not a battleground but a sacred space where we honor one another as God designed. When we speak with the goal of untangling misunderstandings rather than proving points, we embody the wisdom of 1 Corinthians 12, recognizing that each person plays a vital role in God’s design.

As you reflect on your own conversations, where can you shift from proving a point to truly listening? What steps can you take to foster meaningful, Christ-honoring dialogue in your daily interactions? Psalm 139:23-24 provides a powerful prayer for this reflection: "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

May our communication reflect the heart of Christ, bringing light, truth, and grace into every conversation.

www.sandraleecounseling.com